Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
