My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
