New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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