"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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