I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
