The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
