I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
someone owes me an orgasm
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Your penis caused this!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
