matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
