I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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