Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize