Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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