apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
