Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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