ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Randomize
