the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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