Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
