I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize