Your face is a jimmy john
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
