My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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