Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
