what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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