I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
