pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
