True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
