Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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