I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
