You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
