Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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