The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I deserve to be covered in dicks
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize