i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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