PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
