I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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