Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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