Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
