the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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