Where is the hickey?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
