Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
