i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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