i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
