i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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