her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
