none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the condom got lost in my hair
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
