So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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