You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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