I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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