its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
