I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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