His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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