So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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