dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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