the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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