I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm too high and old for this...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
