Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize