just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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