Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
