Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
