What did we do last night that was yellow?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
