oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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