at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
