i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
