I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Enjoy the penises
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
