I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
