none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Drake has all the answers
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
