So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
