I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
