It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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