I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
