what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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