i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
