Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
