I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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