At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
