Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
