Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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