You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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