Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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