i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I got her a Nickelback box set.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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