You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
