There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
