Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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