Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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