Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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