I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
