I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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