i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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