Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
