And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm passing your future prison.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
