I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
