Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
