Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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