Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The best revenge is premature balding
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
