a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
FUCK WHALES
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
