Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I AM VODKA MAN
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize