Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
