I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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