i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
