he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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