I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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