Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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