I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
