Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
