So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
