I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
