I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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