my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
