There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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