no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
