I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
