All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
