idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
