the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
