we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
