Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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