Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
